Dear Mr. President,
Hi, I’m Ricky, and I’m 12 years old. I just wanted to write and say thank you for teaching me how to be a real pro at being mean online. I’ve learned so much from watching how you post all those made-up stories and funny (well, kind of) insults. It’s like having a master class in how to be a playground bully but for grown-ups!
I used to think adults were supposed to teach us how to be kind and honest, but I guess I was wrong. Now I know that if I want to get attention, I just have to do what you do: make stuff up and laugh at people who disagree. Thanks for showing me the ropes!
Yours sarcastically,
Ricky